Okay, my head is now clear. How good that feels!
Okay, just a clarification, I'm not fearful of god, like some people are fearful of spiders. I am more fearful of how he makes decisions. I'm scared that maybe I've done something that's going to put me in for eternal doom. I'm scared of what he's going to do next. I'm not scared of him personally. Just his thoughts.
And I also feel like if I weren't a little scared of him, I would feel like too much of an equal. And I wouldn't want someone who is as powerless as me to be my protecter.
Hope that clarified