Jonahh..Mahh style :)

THE BOOK OF JONAH..my style. :)

So basically, at the beginning of this book God's like, Jonah, go to Ninevah and preach against it, because it's wickedness keeps coming up before me.

But Jonah was like, nuh-uh man! I'm not doing that! Lemme go down to Joppa and get a boat to take me to Tarshish so I can GET AWAY. Cuz I'd really rather not go to Ninevah.

But then, once Jonah was traveling on that ship such an enormous storm came that the boat was going to break. All of the sailors called out to THEIR OWN DIFFERENT GOD (note that. THEIR OWN GOD.) to spare them. And then they started throwing things off of the ship to lighten the load. But Jonah, yeah, our man Jonah? He was OUT. He was in a DEEP sleep. And the captain, he was like, man, WHAT THE HECK?! What're you doing?! Go call on your God so maybe he'll spare us!! How in the WORLD are you sleeping?!

But then the sailors, they were like, HEY. We should cast lots to find out figure out who's responsible for the storm!!! So they cast lots (I always think of drawing straws, personally.), and it all fell on Jonah...(dun dun dunnnn!)

So all of the sailors, they were like, man, where are you from, what did you do that made all of this come upon us, who is this from???

And Jonah was like, uhmmmmm...well, I'm a Hebrew, and I worship the Lord, the God of Heaven who created this entire planet..

And he'd already told them that he was running away from his God before, so they started freaking out, and they were like, MAN! What'd you do?! And the sea kept getting worse, and they were like, How can we stop this?!

And Jonah was like..throw me in the sea and the waters will become calm. This is kinda my fault..
But they didn't want to kill him, so they tried to row back to shore (hehe, didn't work.) But eventually they were like, Oh God, please forgive us for killing this man!! And they threw him overboard, and everything got all calm and then they started worshipping the Lord. (see how god works in mysterious ways?)

So God provided a great fish to swallow Jonah (3 days,3 nights) and Jonah had a time of realization and prayer. (If you want to read Jonah's prayer, read jonah 2 )

And then the fish spit Jonah up.

So Jonah went to Ninevah, and delivered this message: "Forty more days and Ninevah shall be overturned." All of them IMMEDIATELY believed God and declared a fast and all of them wore a sackcloth, INCLUDING the king. The king even issued a degree telling everyone to turn from their evil ways and to call on God.

God saw how they had turned and had compassion, and did not bring about the destruction he had threated.

Jonah was ticked.
Jonah was REALLY ticked.

He was like, God, why did I even come?! I already said all of that stuff when I was at home! I know you're compassionate, that you're slow to anger and that you'd really rather not send calamity. Just kill me. I'd rather death than life.

And God was like, Do you really have any reason to be angry?

So Jonah went to a place to sit and see if anything would happen to Ninevah (he'd already built a shelter for some shade). God made a vine grow up around him, to protect him from some more of the sun. And Jonah was pretty happy. But then the next day God provided a worm to eat the vine, and also a scorching east wind, so that Jonah was BURNING in the heat. So again, Jonah was like, why won't you just kill me??

And God was like, Do you really have any right to be angry about the vine? And Jonah was like, Yeah! I'm angry enough to die!!

And God was like, So you've been concerned about this vine even though you didn't tend to it or make it grow or ANYTHING? It just sprang up and then died overnight!! But Ninevah, Ninevah has over 100,000 people, some of them not even having the ability to tell their left hand from their right. And you're saying that I have no right to be concerned about them? (Hey Jonah, have you forgotten that God created them and has provided for them?! OF COURSE he should worry about them! They're his babies!)

And that's the end. Take from it what you will. What did I take from it? The fact that God really does care about EVERYONE despite who you are because YOU ARE HIS CHILD.

the end <3